Caregiving is a Journey…
Here’s a hard truth…and eating disorder caregivers, you need to know this and ensure others become aware of it…
We often hear that recovery is a journey, not a destination—that our loved one is continually building skills, learning, adapting, and growing. True.
What’s also true is that we have not viewed caregiving in this same compassionate, progressive, enlightened, idealistic manner. We rarely talk about the full arc of the caregiving journey. We’ve so frequently viewed the caregiver as a wayfarer on this recovery journey, a person accompanying the sojourner…yet not someone clearly in need of close support and extreme honor.
We’ve expected caregivers to read a few resources, watch some videos, navigate acronym-laden information, learn a large number of challenging physical tasks, and somehow, somehow be able to go forth with a “Now go do this” while experiencing constant turmoil at home, lack of sleep, financial strain, employment insecurity, guilt, shame, societal misunderstanding, and interpersonal ostracism. We’ve normalized asking caregivers to perform highly complex, emotionally demanding work without providing them a templated (yet individualized), accessible, trauma-informed process of learning, feedback provisioning, failure analysis, progress tracking, and skill transferability insight that would meet them where they are in possibly compromised learning styles as they seek to keep their heads above the water line.
Caregivers…this is a journey for you. Your learning, development, support, and growth are vital aspects of recovery. Period. Full Stop. Caregiving is not just a role to be assumed. It’s a complex set of skills that requires continual development. We as caregivers are not simply sherpas supporting our loved one’s ascent on a lengthy and perilous journey; we are fellow climbers who must mentally and physically prepare, gather our supplies, mark our progress, and develop the agility and wisdom to revise our strategies as conditions warrant.
Caregivers shouldn't be expected to figure this out as they go…and they deserve more than just relational support. They deserve hard truths, full inclusion in skills learning and practice, clear feedback on their efforts, and an understandable tool to track their progress. We expect the best for our loved one on this journey. We also need to expect the best for ourselves and seek treatment that supports our evolution on the recovery journey.
Three Moves:
Ask not only for the help you’ve identified and need, ask also for recommendations from lived experience peers and gather those for careful consideration without pre-judgement
Be clear with treatment team professionals that you’re willing to do the challenging work, AND that you need to be provided with feedback and held accountable to making continually progressive steps toward enhanced effectiveness
Remember: You are good enough…AND you are going to need help to do the work toward improvement. Expect that help to be effective and accept nothing less.
If recovery is a journey, then caregivers and caregiving skills must be recognized as more than just items on the packing list.
