Broken Record Isn’t Broken…
Would you like to be a more effective eating disorder caregiver AND get your groove on?
Broken Record is a skill…and it’s not broken…but it may be a bit scratched up. Just like we are as eating disorder caregivers. The scratches on this record sometimes prevent the needle or stylus on the tonearm from progressing to the next audio groove as the record spins. The needle gets stuck and we hear the same verse of the song over and over. That stuckness may mess with the musical mood of that moment, but we’ve got something to learn from this Jammed Jam. That needle is fixed in its groove and it stays steady, predictable, and consistent in what it delivers in terms of sound…over and over again.
We can borrow that steady, predictable consistency and maximize it in eating disorder caregiving. Here’s how:
Broken Record is an interpersonal effectiveness skill (which I wish was called “Get in your groove” because there’s nothing broken about it) and it helps us, as caregivers, remain calm, present, focused on our goals, and effective. You stick with a word or phrase, repeating it over and over like the turntable needle in the record groove, keeping frustration and hostility out of your tone. By doing this, you essentially get your groove on…you stay steady, consistent, confident, in a state of flow and mindfulness amidst the onslaught of eating disorder verbal chaos. Broken Record helps you stay present when the eating disorder is throwing questions, arguments, or emotional pressure your way…and that’s enormously effective because paying attention to arguments or attacks hands over management capability of a situation to the eating disorder and leads us to losing track of our objectives…while inadvertently reinforcing the likelihood of future arguments (as the eating disorder discovers push back is rewarded with diversion from eating or compliance with established boundaries).
You know what doesn’t happen when you get dragged into a dialogue with the eating disorder…that’s right, eating doesn’t happen while your loved one’s mouth is busy spewing eating disorder objections. Every time you return to your calm, clear message, you're practicing emotional steadiness, protecting the relationship, and refusing to let the eating disorder control the conversation. You're not repeating yourself because you've run out of words. You're repeating yourself because you've chosen, with intention, to not lose sight of your goal.
The strength of this skill is in the persistence of maintaining your position and not having to revert to ineffective words or expend mental energy trying to out-logic the eating disorder. This skill communicates safety, consistency, and confidence—three things the eating disorder tries hardest to undermine.
What’s it sound like? You choose your favorite groove: “I need you to leave the kitchen while I prepare your meal.” “I’ll call you when it’s ready.” Go ahead and leave the kitchen. I’ll let you know when dinner is ready. “You need to leave the kitchen. I’ll call you for dinner.” This is what you need. Go ahead and pick up your fork and take a piece. I made what you need. Pick up your fork. I made what you need. Take a bite. “When you complete your meal, you can use your phone. Finish your meal and I’ll allow you to use your phone. You will need to complete your meal and then you can use your phone.”
Here’s 3 principles:
State your phrase over and over using the exact same or very similar phrasing.
Disregard the eating disorder’s diversions, guilt trips, or attempts to change the subject.
Keep your voice steady, your tone neutral, and your body language confident without escalating or getting angry.
The goal isn't to win an argument with the eating disorder. The goal is for us to remain calm and gain compliance with what needs to take place to progress recovery.
